i sink into oblivion
Ξ Friday, 14 Mar 2008 at 01:23 | → Comments Off | ∇ Normal |
indeed. I’m looking forward to going to sleep tonight. I certainly treasure it, as I’ve said a number of times before. especially when I’m sick, because then it’s really at its sweetest. in any case, it’s been a rambling sort of day, full of paperwork and other such inanities, but good overall. I went to McDonalds with “the crew” at work, of course, and then popped into Borders with Dan to check for books or movies to buy, since I had a 25% off coupon. I ended up buying Sophocles I Loeb (I have vol. 2), and tried to find the new Dark Tower to no avail; I’ll have to go to the comics shop on Castro soon for it. Otherwise I just listened to a lot of drivel from “that bald Manc twat Pilkers,” as Gervais would say.
Nicole recommended we go to Taco Bell for dinner tonight, an excellent idea indeed, and we did so. it was delectable as always. I generally get the same thing — two chalupas, a taco (meal with those), plus popcorn chicken, since it’s a KFC/Taco Bell combo most places in the city; ours is not far down Mission. On the way home we stopped at Safeway to get some groceries, and stocked up on a few things we needed. I’ve been really impressed with those Red Baron deep-dish pizzas, and at $1.50 apiece, they’re a steal. LOL. i know that probably sounds mundane, but yeah. it was a nice little trip.
We don’t get out all that much these days, but it’s alright with me. I’m hopefully going back up to Oregon come the 24th or 25th, and that’ll be great. Anna is slated to come down and visit next Saturday (I hope), and we’ll go northward on Monday or Tuesday, a couple of days later, during spring break. I need a change of scenery, and I’ve missed being up in Oregon; the last time I was there was in January, as most of you know. I love it here, but you know how it is… I like seeing the fam and all. Oh, and I get paid tomorrow, so that’ll be fucking great… always looking forward to a nice healthy check.
So this weekend will be full of paper-writing. I’ve still got to finish the Pompeii paper, 10 pages of which I’ve written, and I don’t know how I’m going to do it. I’m also working on my thesis, but not working hard enough, and I need to do so. I have a feeling that the last ten pages of the Pompeii paper will be absolute shit, just absolute shit, but I’ll do the best I can on it to just get the fucking thing done. I have bigger fish to fry. Life is good, though. Nicole and I have been getting along well, save for the occasional argument here or there… things are generally pretty great. I’m still adjusting to cohabitation, although I’ve gotten used to it for the most part over the last month or so. I’m glad to be here.
my mind is muddled lately, and the stars are blotted out with grievous cura. I need to get done with everything by the end of May so I can go off to wherever I’m going in August (or September, if it’s a quarter-based school). I’m really hoping that I get into Stanford, since Michigan rejected me, and some of the others that I wanted to get into did as well. Stanford would be great because 1) it’s a fantastic school, of course and 2) I’d be able to stay here with Nicole for at least another year; I don’t know where she’ll be after another year of school. but that’ll work out when it comes up.
I just need to focus on finishing things up, stay focused while keeping my sanity at the same time. Nicole helps a lot with that, because she’s really understanding and loving, and at the same time she kicks my ass into gear if I need a push. like this weekend… I’m going to be pushing myself, though, so you may not see me much. I had to indulge in LOST tonight, which was fucking amazing as always; each episode gets exponentially better IMO. Can’t wait till next week’s, the last episode before the monthlong hiatus.
my mind is filled with love, death, sun, rain, ghastly horrors and beautiful landscapes, stars and all sorts of things shiny… a conglomeration of binaries and grey areas and beautiful, brilliant half-light. I’ve always said that I’m generally very poetically-minded, more of a dreamer and an idealist than most (especially Nicole, who would agree with “fitter happier”‘s PRAGMATISM NOT IDEALISM). but we complement each other that way. the Muses guide my words and my soul, those honey-tongued sisters, daughters of glorious Mnemosyne. there is something epic in every moment you have on this earth, just something at least, but don’t mistake that sentiment for “everything is equally epic” — because that’s not true. everything has its time and place to shine.
Many of the friends I made at church, while I was there, have fallen by the wayside, except for Claude, who continues to be one of my best friends. I think that once you move away, it’s difficult to keep in touch, so I don’t really blame many of them for it. I realise now that they were all truly on a different path, to who knows where, than I am. The same goes for many of the friends I used to have in Eugene… we drifted apart and that’s all that happened. It’s difficult to recapture that old magic, to rekindle what was once a blaze, or at least glowing embers. I do what I can to keep these relationships alive, because in the end that’s all we have — our memories and our relationships with others. both can lie, to be sure, especially our memories.
the few people whom I call my dearest and best friends are just that… few. as they should be. Many of my friends are special — in fact all of them are special in their own way. But I am only extremely close with a few of those people, and that takes awhile to develop, as anything good does. I feel that Nicole and I are best friends, of course, given that we love each other very much, but we did also start out getting to know each other as friends (never mind that that was a short time, but oh well). Vanessa is definitely one of my best friends as well. she and I talk at least once a day, and we’re very close, even though we’re far away. When I come up to Eugene, I can’t leave without seeing her at least once, and that’s immutable. I love her dearly as a friend. My friend Leora and I have been great friends for a number of years as well, and I am very thankful that I have her… she’s wonderful. And Claude, well, you all know Claude. He’s a fucking character but he’s been my friend for close to seven years now.
Lest any of you are offended, don’t be. That’s like getting upset over the order of the “Top Friends” list on Myspace. Of course it’s consciously-ordered, but don’t stress about it, for fuck’s sake. In any case, I was just thinking of my dear friend Anna as well. She lives in Australia, and we’ve known each other since at least 2000 or 2001 (I think?), and we’ve been through a lot together. We’ve never met in person, of course, because we live so far away, but we’ve talked ever since then, on the phone as well, and we’ve gotten to know each other extremely well. Awesomely enough, she’s going to be coming to New York next month, and she arranged to have a stopover on her flight at SFO, so I’m going to meet her at the airport and chill out for a few hours while she waits for her plane. It’s going to be fucking fantastic, and I can’t wait to meet her. We’ll take plenty of pics, of course. I’m psyched.
I don’t know where the whole “friend” train of thought came from, but I just figured I’d see it through to its conclusion. I guess it came from me talking about relationships, now that I think of it. In any case, I’ve written too long… it’s almost 01.30 and I should be sleeping. oblivion indeed. Would that I have some incredible dreams before I wake up and greet the waking world. Oh, and cure my fucking sickness. it’s getting old.
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