Ξ Thursday, 30 Dec 2004 at 02:23 | → 0 Comments | ∇ Normal |
what’d we do last night? man, i can’t even remember. im so fucking burnt out. me, jenn, claude, anna, and sara watched The Matrix last night, and after everyone else had to go home, me and sara watched most of the Animatrix. i didnt do all that much else yesterday. today i woke up late, was supposed to work on my essay but didn’t really. got to talk to APRIL for awhile (yay!!!!!) which was really nice, since i missed her like hell…. and I talked to Bekah a bit, apparently she has a new cellphone, which I saved in my phone. I talked to my friend Nikki a bunch too tonight (just recently started talkin to her, she’s cool as fuck…), and also Jaymie (same deal, im gettin to know her… cool as fuck too!). but yeah, i have no shocking revelations tonight. i went to claude’s and played some xbox, then got home around 00.30. it’s now 02.23, and i’m going to sleep after awhile. peace.
Ξ Monday, 27 Dec 2004 at 02:05 | → 0 Comments | ∇ Normal |
i’m tired. i worked all day today. went to sleep around 2am, alarm was set for 5am. apparently i woke up at 5 and then hit snooze, because i woke up again and it said 5.59. i was like HOLY SHIT!!! because i was supposed to be at wRk at 6am. i got out of bed, ran the hell upstairs, was thinking FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK I’M LATE!!! lol. it was alright though, i called in and said i was on the way. got out the door and made it there by 6.30. i was done at 3pm. it was a weird-ass day at work. not very busy. we expected it to be insanely busy, so we had like 4 service desk people, and i think we had like 3 or 4 up there at once. it was hilarious. i ended up not doing jack shit half the day. it was real nice.
after wRk i drove home. had to go back and pick up Meet the Parents, since I got it on DVD from Jenn’s cousin Lindsay. she got me a full screen though, and i wanted widescreen, hence i needed to exchange it. i took Anna over to my grandparents’ house, because she wanted to go there, and also because my grandma gave me $50 for Christmas money! (that helped with gas too, as i’ll detail later). so i then drove to shopko again, DVD in hand, but first got some dinner at burger king. made the switch on the dvd, left work, and then went to jenn’s. we hung out for awhile, had fun 
christine went out to dinner with her boyfriend dan, and then came back later. jenn and me went to taco bell eventually and i got some nachos and a dr. pepper, and then we went to hollywood video to rent movies. we rented Napoleon Dynamite and The Manchurian Candidate. Napoleon Dynamite was one of the funniest motherfucking movies i’ve seen in a long time. I absolutely loved it!! I guess that’s unsurprising though, since everyone else has for the most part too, but yea… Jenn didn’t like it all that well. I guess she didn’t get much of the humour in it. *shrugs* anyways, afterwards, i gave christine her present: the game Taboo. it’s pretty interesting. we’re gonna have to play it sometime.
after a bit, i left jenn’s… at like 11 something. went to arco to get some gas ($20 worth, and $18 filled my tank so i had some change to get beef jerky!), then went home. sat around reading the latest US Weekly for a bit, lamenting the fact that my mum didn’t go to the store and get the promised rice chex and cereal and such, since i wanted a midnight snack. then jenn called to say goodnight, and i talked to her for a bit. i called sara not too long ago, and we talked for a bit, but i’m so fucking out of it that i didnt have much to say, but it was ok. she had to go to bed a few ago, and now i’m writing to you all. i’m going to rewind a bit, however, since i didn’t write anything last night.
christmas: i woke up around 8.30am after going to sleep at 5am. wow. i was pretty fucking cranky. it was ok though. i drove over to my grandparents’, and we opened presents a lil bit after i got there. my cousins and my aunt and uncle and everyone were all there; it was cool. i didn’t tell what i got on christmas eve either, did i? well, i got:
– Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (Extended 4-disc DVD)
– Meet the Parents (Bonus Edition) (as i said before, i exchanged this out for a widescreen)
– The Ultimate Matrix Collection (THANK YOU JENN!!!)
word. i didnt really get anything else on christmas eve. fuck, i didnt even mention anything about christmas eve. we had our usual dinner and such, mashed potatoes and meat and all that fun stuff, and i ended up eating mashed potatoes, wheat thins with cheese, and loads of dr. pepper. we had a shitload of relatives there, and it was a lot of fun. got to play with max and audrey (my cousins), and that was cool too. not too much to tell.
christmas, though, back to that: we opened presents, and i got some ill shit! i got more DVDs (King Arthur (Extended Unrated Version), Dodgeball), a book on Pompeii and the eruption of Mt. Vesuvius in 79 AD, a neon CD clock radio, the “Darwin Awards 3″ book, a book of Latin proverbs, some pants, a $50 gift certificate to the UO Bookstore (which I have yet to pick up), a tool set (in this cool metal case), a set of personal grooming tools (nail clippers, etc), et al. anyways, my present list is probably boring. i thought it was some cool shit. in any case, im happy.
we ate brunch at like 10 or 11 i think, and my grandma made a shitload of pancakes. i must have eaten like 20 of those fuckers…. christ they were good. there was some really good ham too that she made. after that, i was feeling sleepy, and my mum said she would give me a head and neck massage, which was too good an offer to pass up (i never get massages anymore really), and she also gave me a hand massage. oh yeah, my grandparents got me a throw or blanket or something that says Oregon on it, and well, i curled up under that on their couch, and fell asleep for about 3hrs. woke up around 3pm, groggy as hell. my cousin max got a harry potter lego set of “the shrieking shack” from the newest movie, and i helped him put some of it together. it was kinda fun. i guess i can see how cats love legos. anyways, i pretty much hung around there until like 19.30. “A Christmas Story” was playing on the tv, since they had a 24 hour marathon… that movie is fucking hilarious! i need to buy it… anyways, i went home, dropped off my presents, and then wrapped jenn and christine’s presents. went over to jenn’s for awhile, and then came home. didn’t sleep until 2am (cf. the beginning of this entry), and went to work today.
i’ve been so burnt out lately. its been a stressful but fun holiday season and such… just tires me out though. i want to crawl into bed and sleep for a day straight, i swear… in a state of ataraxic calm, and not worry about anything. “There was nothing to fear and nothing to doubt…” (Radiohead, “Pyramid Song”). simpler times i guess. i guess you have to have a balance of both really, simple and complex. if things are too simple, then perhaps you’re only scratching their illusory surface and there’s plenty underneath (cf. Hemingway’s “iceberg” theory). i guess sometimes we just want to hide from the world. i know i do, and i’ve talked of this before really. sometimes the world seems like this seething, roiling storm, like the wind-whipped mountain that the king of the winds, Aeolus, lives in (cf. Verg. Aen. I), wind whistling and flying through the cracks and caverns of the mountain. sometimes we want to walk out of this tempestuous, troubled storm and into a safe haven, untouched by these deleterious, destructive, damaging tempests. life can be a very powerful, erosive force sometimes, to be sure, and we need to make sure we’re taking enough time out lest we crumble to dust under a multitude of pressures and pains. perhaps that contradicts what i’ve expounded on before, i.e. embracing suffering and all. i think we do need to embrace and appreciate the suffering we experience in life, surely, since through that we gain a better appreciation for the life we are lucky enough to live, and chiefly since no one is without suffering. even the happiest person suffers to a certain extent, and in many it is not readily apparent. nevertheless, we should strive to invite it with open arms, and if at all possible, not default and forfeit by taking the easy way out of things. the harder road is more interesting and much more fulfilling, and where the easier one may lead to immediate gratification, in the end there will be a hole inside you, an unfathomable emptiness that seems to come from nowhere.
i was discussing this with sara and another friend of mine a couple days ago. perhaps it’s just me, since i’m a sentimental person at times. its strange though, since some places really affect me like this. im wondering that when you go to a certain place, some certain, magical place that has a special significance to you or is just a cool place in general — when you’re there, things are perfect, right? it’s like you’re in this fucking wonderland and shite…. and everything pales in comparison. once you step outside that perimeter, everything seems so drab, mundane, washed-out and decadent. this may be a stupid example, but take for example Disneyland. When I go there, or at least when I was a kid, it seemed like the best place in the fucking world. i’d be there and think “there’s nothing outside of here, this IS the world right now…” what was beyond those high gates wasn’t important. i remember going to toontown, which was on the outskirts of the park, and thinking “what’s on the other side of this place?” the grim, stark, and mundane reality was that there was likely a parking lot or some ridiculous industrial area beyond this magical place, and I remember leaving the park with a huge sense of disillusionment, ennui, and lament at the boring reality that we live in. as i said, things seemed off-colour and such. i guess when you’re in such places, they really overshadow the outside, “real” world, and once you get back there, it’s a huge letdown.
speaking of letdowns, i was talking to my grandparents today about that. it’s such a fucking letdown after the holidays… it really is. i mean look at christmas, you get hyped up all fucking year for it, and it’s over in 2 days. there’s such magic in these times, and once it disappears, it’s like a part of your soul does too. i dont understand it really. it’s such a weird issue. but we all do though, we all tend to get depressed after all of the festivities are over. as the last echo of the music and laughter and everything dies, and silence fills the air, it’s an unsettling feeling. silence is great though, i’m not knocking silence. but the death of this celebration brings this silence, akin to a death knell. all of the time we invested in preparation and everything fades away with it, and we’re left alone, as if shivering in the middle of a gelid, bristlingly cold night, the light having fled hours before and the frigid air biting into our very bones, our very being itself.
my question now: am i being too dramatic? depressing? sorry if you think so. these are just things i ponder, and i try to write them down so i can make them known to others and perhaps open up discussion or something concerning these ponderous matters. hehe… anyways, im going to go to sleep soon i think. i’ve got work at 15.45, working until 22.00 (close). sleep will take me soon… the sweet, sweet cousin of Death. i love you all. goodnight!
PS: If you’ve read this far, you deserve a gold star. HEY! NO PEEKING DOWN HERE! YEAH, THIS MEANS YOU!
2 Comments
Hmm…box has an interesting connotation…Maybe ask around and find out, haha! I ready most of your long entry…but I am running on 3 hours of sleep so I don’t think I understood the important stuff…I’ll comment better later maybe 
Posted 12/27/2004 at 8:15 AM by Faerie_Asrai
YAY GOLD STAR!!Qr i dig your shit as always man. and understood well what you meant. but hey after Christmas is over it doesn’t have to be depressing cause you got all that new shyt to enjoy
Posted 12/28/2004 at 3:01 PM by roughdraft1
Ξ Saturday, 25 Dec 2004 at 05:06 | → 0 Comments | ∇ Normal |
too burnt out to write much really. merry christmas everyone! or happy holidays, whatever. long day at work, even though only 12-6. check out the present i made for my mum (click for fullsize):
I tried to put it in a picture frame, and I succeeded (for the most part). I wrote this all out by hand, but then I scanned it into the computer and made it 8×10″ so it’d fit into this fucking frame. why the hell wasn’t the frame 8.5×11″? *shrugs* strange. anyways, not all of it is visible, but enough is, i think the rest can be made out. hopefully my mum likes this. anyways, much love. i’m going to sleep. again merry christmas and happy holidays! peace.
~ edit: i didn’t do the picture by hand though, found it on some website. what i did was centre the picture on the page and then write around it with a ballpoint pen. yay! ~
1 Comment
This is all freakin awesome you did a good job. I was gonna give you crap about something but since it is Christmas I am not going to. I love ya lots. And I really like what you did for your mom. It is awesome
Sara
Posted 12/25/2004 at 7:22 PM by ryznstar2000
Ξ Friday, 24 Dec 2004 at 03:35 | → 0 Comments | ∇ Normal |
oh, and for the record, i did think that that Latin I posted a couple days ago would be read. Perfectly fine, since I wanted it to be read. Most of the things I said in that were already said before, so I don’t know what of that I “didn’t have the balls to say.” heh. apparently i don’t read others’ weblogs either. bleh. so go fuck yourself. i’m through. as i said i’m relieved about the whole situation. i guess you could say a dysfunctional and deleterious part of my life has been surgically removed. *shrugs* i’m amused too. but you know, i’ve realised the whole thing is pointless to worry about. i tend to rehash things a lot sometimes, and dwell on them more than usual, and this is something i don’t need to dwell on. by the way, that card came. i’ve not decided whether i’ll destroy it or not. hope this is being read as well. postmarked 18 december. heh. in any case…
life is strange. i dont think you should walk the straight and narrow, rectus et artus. fuck that. life is a real grey area, and while i try to be virtuous, in a lot of ways i’m not. i talked about our tendency to binarise everything… to split everything into polar opposites. while i’m clad in darkness, i’m clad in light as well. they coalesce to form a grey sheen over everything, for in this world not many things are cut and dry, black and white, whatever… i dunno, i guess im all philosophising again. i love the implicit, unquestionable duality in everyone. not saying we’re two faced januses or anything, just that we’re all a mixture of dark and light, good and evil, whatever floats your boat, and the ratio between the two and its balance ultimately determine the type of person you’ll be or become. me, you all know i’m darker than most, and i love being as such. anyways, enough of this. much love to you all…. im goin zzZZZzz.
oh btw, check out this hysterical pic.
